Naked Facial

So, I was on the Chinese side the other day, very, very bored. I started wandering around the new section of the underground shopping center. It’s full of manicure places and salons. One place asks me if I want a facial. Yah, I had been thinking about getting one for a while now. So I ask how much it is and how long it takes. The girl at the door is immediately replaced with a manager who tells me it’ll take 90 minutes and cost 150RMB. This may be where a breakdown in communication has occurred. Also, that’s a little more than I’d thought it would be, but what the heck? I’ve got nothing else to do. So I follow her into one of the rooms and she tells me to change into the little pajama sets that are ubiquitous at these little “spas,” and there is even the disposable undies included. I think to myself that it’s a little strange to change for a facial, but I’ve never had one before, and I’ve certainly never had one in China before. Maybe it’s more of a body treatment and I’ll get a salt scrub. I really like those.
The woman comes in a slathers my back with something and begins to rub it in. And massages it this way, and that way, but it’s definitely not a relaxing rub. And then she begins to put on more pressure and really rubbing against the muscles. I am really confused at this point. Then she begins to press on areas around my armpits. I immediately know what’s going on now. This is one of those lymph gland massages I have seen advertised. I mentioned to a coworker that I was thinking of trying one of these and she asked “Really? They are quiet painful.” And now I was having an hour and a half painful lymph gland massage. Oh, and you know where there are a lot of glands? In the breast area. I barely survived the hour and a half, but I did. I kept thinking to myself that I should feel really great tomorrow since my glands have been detoxed now. I didn’t feel great the next day, I felt pain. And I have bruises all up and down my legs. I actually paid someone to do this to me. I shan’t make that mistake again.
On Monday I went to my usual (okay only 3 weeks running) massage place and got a nice gentle massage. This is a rare thing in China so it has taken me a long time to find someone who doesn’t end up hurting me, but my hard work (of getting massages) has paid off. Afterwards I asked if they did facials. Sure, 90 minutes for 100RMB. Although hesitant, I went ahead and tried the facial. Which, indeed, turned out to be a facial. After about an hour she touches my nose and asks “okay?” Oh, lord, what now? But I figure I’ll try what ever it is. She covers my eyes and starts using some sort of tool on my nose. And this kind of pain is known to anyone who has ever tried to squeeze a blackhead, only it’s every pore on my nose and takes ten minutes. I can’t figure out why they don’t start with that and then massage your face. Seems kinda back-assward to me.
Oh, well, I got my facial, gosh darn it. And I got the bruises to prove it.

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